There Can Be Only One.

Cries of a fix go up.

The Toilet Bowl.  It Promised.  It Delivered.

With the first silverware of the season up for grabs both coaches demanded nothing less from their respective teams than one final poor performance.  In the early games it appeared that the Lottery wanted this one more with QB Brees leading the way with a masterful performance throwing interception after interception.  Every pick ensured that Saints and Lottery WR Moore returned to the bench scoreless, a real result for Coach Andy and in a true stroke of genius the shock inclusion of the Rams D ensured a low return on both the offensive and defensive sides of the ball.
Things were not looking so positive for the Factory.  Their Bears D was busy sacking and intercepting and worse of all scoring a touchdown!  A 23pts return for the Factory D  had left Coach Botond in a big hole.  Then out of nowhere Brees starts hurling touchdown bombs and before you could say 'the Browns won?!?' 21.24pts had been registered for the Lotteries QB.  Just when the Factory thought they had a chance more bad news came their way when Big Ben chimed in with a huge 25.18pts, the only chink of light being the loss of a TD on a challenge late in the game.  

Moving into the late Sunday fixtures and the Lottery trailed by a comfortable 20pts, hopefully WR Harvin would continue his poor form.  Disaster.  The Vikings use Harvin on a trick play and he goes in from 12 yards for the score.  Late in the second half Harvin goes in for a second time but a challenge renders Harvin TD invalid and Lottery fans everywhere can breathe again.  For the Factory RB Mathews and WR Moss where remaining as anonymous as in they had done in the previous 6 winless weeks.  Then came one of the games defining moments.   Factory RB Moreno runs in a couple  TD's in quick succession!  Moreno finishes the game with a 21pts haul.  Coach Botond can't believe his bad luck.  QB Big Ben 25.18pts, the Bears D 23pts and RB Moreno 21pts, in this of all weeks!  

The Lottery where almost there, the Toilet Bowl so close their players could smell it.  Heading into the Monday night game the Factory could only hope that WR Smith (not that one the other one!) would fall to an early injury.  Even then he would be reliant on the Lotteries star WR Austin failing to repeat his spectacular Week 6 return of 1.2 pts and pray TE Witten would deliver another TD free display.  Within the opening minutes of Monday night the Giants turned the ball over and Witten found himself in the endzone the ball in his hands.  Was there still hope for the Factory?  Could they yet lose this game and in doing so claim the Bowl?
With both coaches prowling the touchlines the game then delivered the Lotteries and Romo's big break.  The Dallas QB's collarbone snapped, Austin and Witten had no-one to throw them the ball and the Lottery were home and dry!  To make matters worse for the Facory WR Smith went on to post a 1TD, 101 yd game for 19.10pts.  Indeed the Factories final total of 127.98pts was way in excess of anything that they had produced in the previous six weeks.
Post match the Lottery Head Coach, sitting upon the Toilet Bowl praised his players.  "I just want to thank all the players for their efforts over the last couple of days.  It's not the first time we've broken 100pts this season but thankfully on each and every occasion its not been enough and our reward, just like our season, stinks."  

 Big Mo's Favourite Team Of The Week.

Sweden.  Really quite cold.

The Swedes make it four on the spin and for the first time this season can boast a positive 4-3 record. A solid performance from their RB duo plus a frankly ridiculous 37.10pts haul from WR White means this one was never even close. The Swedes have a lot going for them, beautiful countryside, low house prices and the inventor of the sat nav but right now the best thing they have is momentum. With one of the strongest benches in the league the Swedes are beginning to look like a genuine threat. WR Branch is a good pick up despite returning only 3.90pts and RB Torain is making a stronger case for his inclusion in the starting line up with every passing week. Sweden looks like the place to be right about now.

Over is France we have riots. You may have heard that this is due to unrest in the public sector but in truth the fickle French public have lost patience with their leader and his outrageous team selection. The Leader entered this match up with the league fourth highest points total overall but only the third highest in his division. The Leader has a brutal schedule over the next few weeks. They may have the same 4-3 record as the Swedes but one team is in the ascendancy and one is clearly in decline.  

Big Mo's Second Favourite Team Of The Week.

The Swedes have a lot going for them, beautiful countryside, low house prices and the inventor of the sat nav but right now the biggest things they have is momentum. Yep, Swede number 2, Head Coach Lars and his Boney Rocks withstood the Disco Voodoo to move to an impressive 5-2. The Rocks seem to have fully recovered from their confidence draining defeat to Yoda and handed the Disco their heaviest defeat of the season so far. Whilst some argued this should have been our game of the week in truth it was a drab affair with the Rocks keeping the Disco at arms length throughout. It may have gone unnoticed by some readers by the Disco's form has been shaky of late. Single digit returns have been appearing all over their roaster. Have the Disco used up all their magic? I for one am predicting an 7-7 finish for the once proud Frogs.

79FC. Shouldn't They Be Crap?

79FC?

79FC chalked up the W with a RB to spare despite a worrying slow start. Still, before the 5-2 79ers start to feel too smug they should take into account they triumphed over the leagues lowest score of the week, lower than both the Lottery and the Factory. Indeed with the Factories first W signed, sealed and very much delivered the Baptists only have the leagues laughing stock stopping them from securing next years number one pick. For the 79ers this win moves them to the top of their division.  So why can't I take them seriously? They simply shouldn't be where they are. Their biggest score this week was delivered by Seahawks D! It just doesn't make any sense. Once you take Manning out of the starting line up they don't have a single decent player and yet still they stand 5-2. They are consistent, they are solid, they are unfashionable. But they are winners.

Look Who's Back.

Yoda's back.

They say you can judge a true champion by how they respond in the face of defeat. With a bad case of bye fever Yoda still beat up on Royale with TD's with relish. If WR White's 37.10pts was ridiculous then what can be said of WR Britt's 45.50pts! That's right, WR Britt, you know Britt, he plays for the Titans, how could all you coaches have missed him in the draft? So huge kudos to Yoda for a masterful selection. Ofcourse if we've talking kudos then one man above all others should take all the plaudits for this victory and that man is me. Yes, it was your very own David Marrs that rattled the green ones cage with a torrent of ridicule that has clearly awoken Yoda from his two game slump.

Royale now stand at 3-4 and are slipping behind in the playoff race. 3 games behind their division leader its a wildcard or bust for this star packed franchise. Week 8 sees the visit of the 79ers and a defeat here would leave them looking forward only to mid table mediocrity.

The Unexplained.

As a researcher into the hidden history of our planet I've come across more than my fair share of inexplicable mysterious but perhaps the most perplexing phenomenon that I've ever been faced with is the fact that the rookie is now 6-1. In a run of good fortune that even the Disco would be proud of no team has had fewer points score against them than the Bench Warmers. They have had perhaps the softest schedule of any team to the half way point and display a laissez faire attitude to team selection with replacements often selected just hours before kick off. Then again, they have beaten Yoda. This week the Bench Warmers took care of the leagues officially 'most disappointing' team in the guise of Ttttaylor. Ttttaylor reaches the midway point with a 2-5 record which is almost exactly as unlikely as the Bench Warmers being 6-1. But those are the facts. I just print them.

Bench Of The Week.

The French Leader leaves a league record 85.52pts on the bench, that's more than he left on the field!

Good Call.

Yoda.  Britt.  Nuff said.

Bad Call.

I refer you to bench of the week.

Vasco De Gama CNFLE II official bookmaker.

Yoda from Wales Evens

Tim Riggins Bench Warmers 2/1

Bone Rocks 3/1

Seventy Nine FC 3/1

Royale with TD’s3 /1

Super Swedes 3/1

French Leader4/1

Hairy Frog Disco 5/1

Bryants Baptists 12/1

Ttttaylor 15/1

Fear Factory 40/1

It's A Lottery 40,000,000/1

And with that we enter the second half of the season. In just 8 short weeks time we will know which four teams will occupy the playoffs spots. But if you can't wait that long I can now reveal that those four teams will be...divisional winners Bench Warmers, Yoda, and 79FC with the wildcard taken by the Super Swedes.

I'm off to Wembley to post a special report on the spellbounding Halloween matchup between the Bronocs and 49ers.

Don't forget to check back for the Week 8 preview with fans favourite Carl and Bob.

Look to skies.

David Marrs.

The Toilet Bowl Week 5 Preview

The Toilet Bowl - Week 7 Preview

Bob & Carl sat at the corner table in Hooters, Nottingham, supping beer and having a jolly fine time of it as a fine set of sumptuous sauce covered thighs hoved into view and were perched appetisingly on the edge of their table. They tucked in.

Back in London, Bond stepped onto the platform at St Pancras station, looked right, and left and spied the timetable.

’15 minutes to departure’ he mused. Bond grabbed a paper and a coffee from the wizened old news stall vendor peddling his goods adjacently, and sat down on the nearby bench, twixt a family from Runcorn and a student whose was oblivious to the fact that his inadequate headphones were clearly offering no external protection to the casual passer by. Bond secretly cursed the continual acoustic interference. ‘Tosser’ thought he.

Bond turned to the back page. The headline read ‘The Toilet Bowl – can Coaches bear the strain?’

Game of the Week.

Fear Factory v It’s A Lottery

Without a shadow of doubt, this is the game of the season so far. Whilst the rest of the Coaches can still dream of post season glory, the Bowl season has come early for these two Coaches. Something has got to give. Can Coach Botond put the fear of failure to one side to inspire his forlorn hopes? Or will the Lottery, now that they have run out of feet to shoot themselves in, finally get it together for the Commissioners charges?

The Factory have been through the mill in the QB department this season. Favre, Freeman, Gradkowski have all come and gone and now Big Ben has strapped himself into the Factory foreman’s hot seat and will look to fan the fire in the furness against a Miami defence that has proved to be ho hum against the pass this season. The danger for the Lottery this week with Brees at the helm is if the Saints get ahead early and then sit down to tinkle the Ivory for the rest of the game it will be sweet, sweet music being heard on the Factory floor. Edge : Factory

Much was expected from the Factory’s M&M running back pairing at the start of the season, but with the dip in the form of Matthews and the injury to Moreno it just hasn’t happened yet. As a consequence both backs are unlikely to dominate the backfields this weekend either, although both have decent opportunities to do so against the Raiders & Pats. The Lottery have to rest Tomlinson after his ultimately pointless heroics last week and Addai is banged up (again), so the burden falls on the shoulders of the Brown bruiser Hillis who will be seeing the bulk of the goal line work and be relied to help out former Longhorn legend, rookie QB, Colt ‘Bones’ McCoy (Go ‘Horns). Fantasy zombie, Marshawn Lynch who, according to Coach Carroll will be seeing a lot more of the ball in weeks to come will have a’monster’ game this week against the Cards. 

Edge : Lottery

The trouble with Randy Moss going back to Minneapolis is that it came a year too late for the Purple posse as Favre is no longer the toughest gunslinger in NFL town and unfortunately has more important things to worry about these days. In addition, Steve Smith (no the other one) is no longer the no.1 in New York and the rise of power runner Torain will impact the value of the other Moss struggling to flourish in Washington. Problems abound for the Factory. Coach Andy probably would have benched Walter the softy even if he hadn’t been on a bye and reinstates Lance Moore to join forces with his Saints play caller in what Coach hopes will be a double whammy points return against the Browns. Harvin’s headaches have abated and he ironically has benefited most from Moss returning to the Vikes. Austin will lead the line again for the error strewn Cowboys and should make amends for his 13 point pass interference penalty last week. Question - Are the Cowboys the lottery in disguise? 

Edge : Lottery

Witten or Celek? Or Olsen? Well spin the bottle, its back to Witten for the Lottery after they released Celek in midweek. Witten has been a fantasy enigma for a couple of seasons now and needs to get back to being the tight end of 2007 pretty soon or else he is in danger of becoming a fantasy dinosaur this season and in seasons to come. Talking of which.... Shockey has benefited from being Brees’ safety valve underneath this season when he can’t go deep and should prosper against the Browns if he is fit. However, his uncertain status does limit his appeal somewhat at this time. 

Edge : Lottery

Fresh from their mauling against the carefree Seahawks the Bears face up against a rather more mundane Redskins offensive scheme. Shanahan will make sure they run the ball often and hard, and when that doesn’t work, McNabb will dink and dunk to Cooley and the receivers inside. There will be plenty of scope for the Bears to score well here as McNabb can hold the ball too long and the Redskins will stall often. The Packers take on the Vikes in a divisional matchup at Lambeau. Favre got abused by the Cowboys D in his last game and should see more of the same treatment this week although the Packers vaunted D has been ‘D for disappointing’ thus far this season.  

Edge : Lottery

Coach Botond’s quest for the first pick in next years draft gathers further momentum as the Lottery will ditch their weekly custard pie throwing Keystone Kops routine to do just enough this week and finally get that ‘W’ in the column and hobble to victory to much celebration in CNFLE HQ! Normal service will be resumed next week however, rest assured.

Verdict – Lottery by 13

Tim Riggins Bench Warmers v Ttttaylor

The Rookie launches his own clothing range.

Fresh from thrashing the little green mind bender last week Riggins boys now sit at an impressive 5 and 1. Go figure! Ttttaylor doubled his wins last week with a well earned victory against Royale, hitting the century mark in the points for column again in the process.

Riggins receivers are a mess this week, with Johnson, Wayne and Holmes all sitting out on byes. Given that the receivers are the Riggins strength this year, and the running game has been almost obsolete this spells B-I-G Tea-rubble.

Ttttaylor has ttttroubles of his own this week with the news that Dallas Clark will sit the rest of the season on injured reserve, however former lottery TE, Olsen, will be an adequate replacement and with Chris Johnson battering the Beagles and Mike Williams leading the Pittsburgh throw and catch game with Big Ben back in the cockpit, Ttttaylor should have tttto much in the ttttank for Riggins this week. Although the way that the Bench Warmers have risen to the occasion each week so far we reserve the right to be wrong, crystal ball or no crystal ball!

Verdict : Ttttaylor by 10

Yoda From Wales v Royale With TD’s

Yoda.  Down but not out.

Beware the wounded animal that’s been wounded first and then laughed at and mocked after losing two on the spin. I don’t think that we ever really established if Yoda was an animal. More of a goblin if push came to shove and it was all about scientific classification, but in any case beware. Again. Royale take one step forward, one step back, one to the side, do the hokey cokey and you turn around and thats what they are all about.... whhoooaaaahhhh.....

If ever there was a week to play the Yoda then this is it! All the big names sit on the bench leaving big holes at all the skill positions. Peterson will need to run all day, Marshall has a tough assignment against the Pittsburgh defence, and can Hasselbeck be counted on to lead the line? Not sure.

Royale on the other hand, have the League leading gun slinger in Rivers ready to roll, and both running backs are getting better week by week. Although Sims-Walker has been a flop, Bowe finally played last week like we all remember in his rookie year.

Royale could be one to watch in the second half of the season and will join Yoda at 4 & 3 as Yoda’s mid season slump reaches a third week. When do they play Fear factory?

Verdict : Royale by 7

Bryants Baptists v Seventy Nine FC

Looks like a bad case of bye week fever.

After 6 weeks of master planning, is this the week that the Baptists finally prove they are the masters of strategy against a banged up Niners who although they have a pair of losses through six weeks, are still to be reckoned with?

Just as we thought the Baptists were making progress they drop a heartbreaker again last week as they failed to breach the French resistance. This week however, although they too have bye week issues, the starting line up remains largely intact. Forte and Mendenhall will lead the Baptists charge, although both will play second fiddle this week to their respective pass crazed QB’s. Is it time to bench Steve Smith? Yes that one.

For the Niners, read the Yoda, as they too have been struck down with a one week ‘chronic bye fever’. Manning, Best, Edwards, Folk and newly acquired Indy TE Tamme all sit this week, which means some juggling is required for Coach Martin. Cassell has a tasty looking matchup against the Jags but is a limited qb option, and Lloyd could have a big game against the Raiders but that’s about it for this week for the Niners folks.

Despite the Niners two losses being by a combined points total of less than 5 points, this week the matchup and events have conspired against them. The Baptists will perform as they have done week in week out, but will have too much for a Niners outfit reluctant to lose too many of their stars on the waiver wire to make up for this weeks shortfall.

Verdict : Baptists by 10

Super Swedes v French Leader.

Head Coach Peter joins the marketing bandwagon.

The Swedes streak extended to three as they came from behind in week 6 to vanquish Seventy Nine FC by a narrow squeak. This week they face off against French Leader who kept pace in the race for Division 3 with a victory against the Baptists. This is an intriguing matchup indeed, and both teams need that win to keep momentum as we move into the second half of the season.

Romo, Romo, why for art thou? ... that is a sentence is it not which sums up the Cowboys signal caller who is a fantasy god year in year out and has led the Swedes on their recent great run. If the line can protect him then he will score bundles again this week. Mojo is coming back into better form each week, and we figure he will run all over the Chiefs who appear to have been found out. Roddy White will continue to produce for the Swedes.

In the absence of any other viable option Rodgers will be forced to throw all day. So watch the Vikes D pin their ears back and get after him. Boldin, Welker and Maclin will all score well this week for the Leader, especially Boldin who will be too classy for a poor Buffalo secondary.

The Swedes will continue on with their super ways this week and temporarily disrupt the recent French renaissance. The French will still be challenging for the playoffs barring a disastrous second phases of the campaign however despite this loss. Look out for the Swedes to use this win as a platform to chase Riggins boys and Royale hard for that Division 1 crown.

Verdict : Swedes by 6

The Bone Factory v The Hairy Frog Disco

The Bone Rocks.  Explosive!

If it wasn’t for the Toilet Bowl, then this surely would have been the game of the week as the Bone, coming off a storming 140 point week face up against the new #1 ranked team who just scraped past the hapless Lottery last week. What is it they say about good teams finding a way to win when they don’t play well? No it’s not that, they’re just lucky.

The Bones’ mammoth points haul of last week should have come as no shock. After all they hit the high hundreds earlier in the season, and with the matchups at the top order this week, they could conceivably post another big one again. Gore will lead the charge as the 49ers build on last weeks win in time for Wembley against an inept Panthers outfit. Jennings will ransack the Vikings backfield as Rodgers has no option but to spread the ball around in the air and Matt Ryan will pass to get ahead against the Bungles. However depending on whether he has early success, he could pass the baton to the Hairies Turner. Brown could be a key figure this week.

The Disco will have to be firing on all cylinders this week to maintain their lofty status, all the star names are available this week and all have reasonable matchups. Brady could explode in a west coast shootout with the Chargers. The big decision rests with whether the Disco head coach rides the Ivory bandwagon, or re-instates Beanie Wells to what has been a disappointing backfield return thus far. My guess is that Ivory will be the pick as the Cards have been unable to persist with the run once they fall more than two scores behind. Mason will continue his recent good form and score heavily against the Bills.

Whether the Falcons get ahead and whether the Pitts D stuffs up the Dolphins. Two critical areas of the weekend fixtures that will determine the outcome in this match. The former goes to the Bone, the latter the Disco. The Bone rocks right now, and they are so hot they are larva.

Verdict : Bone by 10

As we reach the mid point of the season, it’s clear that this is the most competitive CNFLE ever. The pre season favourite, Ttttaylor, has struggled to find any consistent form, the overwhelming early season leader, Yoda, has dropped back into the pack, the Disco have lost form just at the wrong time which has left a vacancy for favourite in the League. Is it time to take the Rook seriously? Whoever hits their straps now will gather momentum all the way to Playoffsville.

Wins for the Lottery, Ttttaylor, Royale, Baptists, Swedes and the Boners sees the League condense with three teams at 5 wins and a host of four win teams chasing hard. Big mo is riding the Scandinavian backs as Coaches Peter and Lars will look to push on. Is this the season that an 0 & 3 team finally makes the playoffs?

Vasco De Gama CNFLE II official bookmaker.

Yoda from Wales 2/1

Bone Rocks 2/1

The Hairy Frog Disco 2/1

Seventy Nine FC 2/1

Tim Riggins Bench Warmers 2/1

Royale with TD’s 2/1

Super Swedes 2/1

French Leader 3/1

Bryants Baptists 6/1

Ttttaylor 6/1

It’s A Lottery 20/1

Fear Factory 40/1

Anyone wish to bet a couple of Carltons* on who might be the winner? (Please bet responsibly).

Good luck for the week 7 gentlemen.

CW & BB

* A Carlton is the imaginary currency of the CNFLE II. Each Coach starts with an credit account of 10 Carltons that they can use over the course of the season on hypothetical wagers without damaging the ‘real life’ finances unduly.

Shifting Sands.

"Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence."

-

This Week Yoda From Wales Loses To...

Its often said that the written press have a tendency to build up their heroes only to take great pleasure knocking them off their media induced pedestal. Its a practise that this reporter would never condone. But how rubbish are Yoda from Wales?!? First comes the defeat to the Swedes. Okay, we all have an off day (or six of them if your the Fear Factory) then comes the release of phone calls made by Yoda to Princess Leia inviting her back to his hotel after jedi training, ('pictures of me send I will.') and to cap it all off the once green God is beaten for the second consecutive week this time by a rookie.

The worry for Yoda is that except for WR Owens this was the his line up of choice, a choice that included leaving 27.50pt QB Schaub on the bench. The Rook continues to show the rest of the league how its done. That first round reach for WR Johnson (22.80pts) is looking inspired. His QB rotation policy always ends up with the highest scoring QB in his starting line up and TE Gonzalez (13.90pts) contributes more than the Lotteries entire receiving core. This is fantasy genius ladies and gentleman, a coach that is ushering is a new world order to the once stale CNFLEII. Climb aboard your pedestal rookie, you deserve it.

(NB: A Rookie has never won CNFLE)

The Lottery Grab First Win!

This one was all over when Lottery WR Austin took a sixty yard pass from Romo to the house leaving Disco Kicker Vinatieri needing an unattainable 17pts haul in the late game. What? Offensive pass interference against Austin? You mean the Lottery have to give all those points back? Still, its not like Austin won't get another chance. It's not like Austin is going to finish the game with 1.2pts is it? That's almost as unlikely as Lottery WR Harvin posting 3.90pts or Lottery WR Walter not scoring at all! Wait a minute aren't the Lottery up against the masters of Vodoo and good fortune ? Yes, the curse of the Disco strikes another dagger into the heart of the Lotteries winless season. With the Disco needing 7pts from the boot of Vinatieri in the late game, the Colts kicker (100% so far this season) even shanked a couple of field goals wide right just to keep it interesting but when his fourth field goal attempt sailed through the uprights it was goodnight Lottery.

(NB: This was the first time since 1970 that the Colts had four or more field goal attempts in a regular season game.)

The Crème Fraiche Always Rises To The Top.

Bo.  Would you selecta?

The Baptists really needed this one to convince the rest of they the league of their playoff potential and whilst this wasn't a season defining defeat it did serve to add to a body of evidence that suggests they will finish amongst the also runs. Trailing by 15.50pts going into the Monday night game the Baptists needed a big performance from their last man standing, TE Bo Scaife.  Big bad Bo's 53yrds and 1 TD closed the gap to just 4pts but thats where his production ended and with it the chance of a Baptist win.

The French Leader will be relived to come out of this low scoring game with a win particularly after leaving WR Maclin and his 30.90pts on the bench. This win keeps the Leader in touch in the leagues toughest division, if they can keep it close during the middle of the season they will be well placed to cause an upset come the divisional rematches in Weeks 12 & 13.

(NB: Crème Fraiche contains 28% butterfat.)

Team Of The Last Three Weeks.

Romo.  So bad he's good.

The Super Swedes history goes all the way back to the very first CNFLE where they started poorly before putting together a strong run and narrowly missing out on a playoff spot. This time round they started poorly, they are now putting together a strong run which will probably seen them narrowly missing out on a playoff spot. 79FC looked less than convincing against the Lottery in Week 5 and although they posted an improved total the first whispers of doubt must be entering the mind of Martin. Yes Manning hurled the pigskin for a zillion yards and the rest of team did its usual job of posting respectable points but respectable just won't cut it in this league. Perhaps the greatest concern for 79 fans in the lack of depth on the bench with only WR Fitzgerald (sitting this one out on his bye week) a viable option for those in the starting lineup. By contrast the Swedes have an embarrassment of riches with 4 RB's all of whom are potential starters. WR Crabtree is beginning to look like the new T.O both in terms of production and temperament and finally we have QB Romo, a liability for the Cowboys but a star for the Swedes.  One word of warning for the Swedes, Jones-Drew is going to struggle for production all season long behind of woeful Jaguar offensive line.

(NB: No team starting the season 0-3 has ever made the CNFLE playoffs.)

The Fear Factory Fail To Rock.

The Fear Factory failing to rock.

The Fear Factory had a plan. Remain competitive for the first few weeks of the season and then unleash Big Ben. Well, the Steelers QB certainly kept his part of the bargain posting 26.78 on his fantasy return.  The Factory on the other hand continue to set lows only matched by the Lottery. Fading star WR Moss dissapoints regardless of which team he suits up for delivering a paltry 5.50pts. RB Mathews is there only to confirm the fact that you should never draft a rookie (unless his name is Peterson) and WR Smith (not that one, the other one) is fallen out of favour with Manning (not that one, the other one.)

The Rocks appear to have put a couple of shaky performances behind the green door and can one again be considered to be amongst the leagues elite. RB Gore is frightening consistent whether the 49ers win or lose and will certainly be worth watching at Wembley in a couple of weeks time. An injury to the magnificent Gore and the Bones season could still fracture.

(NB: At the time of writing three of the leagues coaches will be attending the Wembley game. Feel free to contact the league Commissioner should you wish to met up with your fellow (slightly drunk) coaches.))

Ttttaylor Refuses To Be Written Off.

Will the real Tttaylor please stand up?

Heading into the Monday night game Ttttaylor trailed the Royales by 6.36pts. Both coaches had one roll of the dice left. Ttttaylor rolling with RB Johnson, the Royales going with WR Mike Sims-Walker.  With the game in the bag for an impressive Titans the ESPN anchors wondered why RB Johnson was still on the field.  Johnson had been held to under 80yrds and depsite Sims-Walker being Sims-Walker this one looked to be going the way of the Royales.  But the match up turned on its head late late late in the game when Johnson's gold teeth reflected the Jacksonville floodlights straight into the Jac's D allowing the leagues No 1 pick to rush his way into the endzone and hand Tttaylor the W.
At 3-3 The Royales slip back into the pack but will the real Tttaylor please stand up, please stand up, please stand up. At 2-4 its true they're in a hole but its not a Chile deep hole. A little application and decent D could yet see them raise to the surface.

(NB: Percy Harvin is currently out scoring Mike Sims Walker by 10.60pts.)

Bench Of The Week

The Swedes left and staggering 64.40pts on the bench in a close win over 79FC.  They may have won three on the bounce but there's no need to get cocky.

Good Call

Tttaylor has been kepting WR Wallace on his bench awaiting Big Ben's return.  Ben starts, Wallace is promoted to the Tttaylor starting line-up and delivers a game winning 15.00pts.

Ball Call

Take your pick from RB Lynch, RB Addai or WR Moore anyone one of these would have won the game for the Lottery.

Vasco De Gama CNFLE II official bookmaker.

The Hairy Frog Disco 2/1 

Tim Riggins Bench Warmers 3/1

Yoda From Wales3/1
Seventy Nine FC 3/1

The Bone Rocks 6/1

French Leader 7/1

Super Swedes 8/1

Royal with TD’s 10/1
Ttttaylor 14/1

Bryants Baptists 16/1
Its A Lottery 28/1

Fear Factory 33/1

And so a third of the season is now in the bag.

Read all about your match ups and the undeniable Game of the Week with Carl and Bob this Saturday.

David Marrs.

Missing In Action - Week 6 Preview

Missing In Action. - Week 6 Preview

An hour had passed since our heroic reporting tandem had put Bond on hold. This was most unusual, mused the espionage ace. Most unusual indeed. In fact this apparent abandonment by Bob and Carl was so unusual that Bond thought that he should do the unthinkable. Indupitably a man of swift action, he turned off Britains got Talent, pulled up his breeches and left the fair Tatania sprawled across the silken sheeted four poster, but not of course until he gave her soft silky skin one last caress and ordered champagne and strawberries on room service for when she awoke.

When Bond arrived at Bob & Carls place, the door was no longer a door, it was a jar, that much Bond had noticed as he carefully dropped down the basement steps,taking care to see if anyone was hanging around looking decidedly suspicious. After convincing himself that all was clear, he pushed the door wide open with  the nose of his unholstered Colt. Nothing.

Gingerly entering the room he noticed that apart from the usual papers strewn across the desk it all looked in order, but Bond sensed something was amiss. Where were they? It was all too quiet.

Replacing his weapon, Bond looked over the remnants of the pairs recent workings and, looking closely at the pattern of the individual pieces of paper, he realised that some of the assorted sheets had a common word scribed in capitals across the top.

NOTTINGHAM.

Nottingham.  Why?

Was that where the boys had gone? Nottingham? But why?

Bond took stock, he rummaged through all the papers gathering all the pages with the magical word across them. They numbered twenty eight in total. Was this significant too? He read the top of the first page.

Game of the Week.

Super Swedes v Seventy Nine FC

White hot?

Both teams are on great form, The Swedes followed up their first win of the season with a good old fashioned drubbing of the early season pace setters, Yoda. The Seventy Niners are a gnats chuff away from being five and oh baby, and despite only being ranked 3^rd at this present time look like they are in for the long haul.

Romo and Austin is all da Pokes have got these days, but that is usually good for a couple of hundred yards a game. Peyton will return to form this week after his first dud of the season.- Edge : Niners

Finally the Chiefs have worked out that Charles is their guy. Mojo is back to full fitness and like Romo for the Cowboys is pretty much it for the Jags. Green Ellis is up against the Ravens so don’t hold out too much hope for him and Jacobs is the second back in a pass first scheme. Edge : Swedes

Is there a hotter receiver in the League right now than White? Okay, Lloyd, Austin and Nicks are all good too but you get my point, this White guy is on fire and will probably score as many as all three receivers for some teams in the league that we care not to mention. Who cares what Thomas and Crabtree do, which may not be much, the Roddy White show is the only show in town. Lloyd will struggle against the Jets, Garcon is not fully fit yet and Edwards will lose touches to Holmes and Keller. Edge : Swedes

Hands up who thought Lewis would be a viable fantasy option this year after flopping the past 3? Not me for one! But he is and more to the point he will be again this week. Miller is the only reliable target in Oakland, leading both receptions and yards for a hapless Raiders team and you got to love the matchup against the Niners. Edge : Niners

Is this the week the 49ers break their duck. Could be. Look for a mauling of the Raiders offence as they take out five weeks of sloppy play in one week. Same can be said for the Vikes against a Dallas O line that has more holes than a piece of swiss cheese Edge : Niners

Okay then this one has me stumped. Even though the Niners shade the categories three to two, they edge their wins whilst the Swedes moider the Niners in the running back and wide receiver department. You know what’ coming. I’m with the Swedes this week after all I won a small fortune on them last week. They’re my boys and will make it three on the spin!

Verdict: Swedes by 3

Ttttaylor v Royale with TD’s

Will Flacco make hay?

Despite being written off Ttttalor still has a ttteam that can tttake anyone. Last week saw Royale almost upset the lucky Frogs but came up agonizingly short.

Flacco will make hay against the Pats, but problems with the chemistry between Jackson and Kolb will limit the Ttttaylor tttotal. Rivers will run roughshod over the Rams and will lead the Royale boys to victory.

Verdict : Royale by 10

Yoda From Wales v Tim Riggins Bench Warmers

Yoda taunts the Rook.

Beware the wounded animal. Is Yoda an animal? Perhaps not, but beware him anyway after the Welsh wizard followed the form of his footballing countrymen and tasted failure for the first time. After dropping their first loss in week 4 Riggins bounced back to grind out another low scoring victory last week.

Has the Houston bubble burst? Yoda drops Shaub in favour of the former Longhorn star, Vince Young. (‘Go ‘Horns’). Foster keeps his place but will play a secondary role to Peterson who will lead the charge for Yoda this week against an erratic Cowboys front line. The trio of receivers hold the key for Riggins. All have matchups which suggest that they will be in passing formations for much of the game.

Verdict : Yoda by 17

The Bone Rocks v Fear Factory

Big Ben.  The difference maker?

After a two game slump the Boners beat up on the French last week and should continue their good form against winless Fear Factory. Coach Botond’s never say die attitude is helping the Factory through this football recession, but how long before they fall on their sword?

Megatron is dinged up, but Brown is back. Ryan is steady but not spectacular, the Boners will post about 95 points which is usually enough to beat a flailing Factory score. Stop the press though, Roethlisberger is back, Moss is re-energized, Matthews is gaining confidence with every game and Moreno will be back as the Denver starter this week in the absence of a viable alternative. Could this be the week that the Factory fly? By jove, I think the impossible has happened!

Verdict : Factory by 3

Bryant’s Baptists v French Leader

Wes Welker.

Bryant’s boys scored heavily to put one over the Ttttaylor last week and will be looking for more of the same this week against a French Leader who may have lost his following.

Mendenhall will batter the Browns after his bye and Forte will keep up the good work against a Seahawk defence that will have its hands full keeping an eye on Cutler. Rodgers is limited this week without a running game or any tight ends to play with and may suffer as a result. Owners beware. Welker will need to be at his elusive best to avoid being cuffed by the Ravens interior D over and over and over, like a monkey with his miniature cymbal.

Verdict : Bryant by 10

The Hairy Frog Disco v Its A Lottery

It all about LT.

This historic rivalry reaches its 7^th episode with the Disco leading the series by four wins to two. Which ultimately counts for nothing. Neither does the fact the Lottery have not won a game so far this year. Not even one. Nada. Zip. Nil. Niet. A big fat round egg of a zero. Doesn’t matter a jot. Honest.

Hakeem Nicks will be the key to the Disco success this week. If he continues with his explosive early season form and snaffles a couple of TD’s and a ton of yards then the Hairies have a chance. Brady will be adjusting to life after Moss and we await the results with baited breath. For the LoTTery iT’s aLL about LT. Along with TO, LT has become a 2010 fantasy zombie! Added to Miles Austins regular 200 yard game, things look good for the winless wonders. Disco’s luck to break!!

Verdict : Lottery by 10

Bond looked up from the various pieces of paper that contained the cryptic messages above. What does it all mean? He spied some etchings on the wall by the door. It looked horribly as if Bob and Carl had been at the sea water again after all, who would ever dream that Yoda, Royale, Swedes, Bryant, Lottery and the Fear Factory could win in week 6? The odds on that accumulator would be astronomical. If only we had a crystal ball to see when such a ridiculous sequence could occur!

‘Nottingham!’ ejaculated Bond suddenly. ‘The head quarters of Vasco De Gama, official turf accountant of the CNFLE II’.

And off he shot.

Yoda from Wales 2/5

The Hairy Frog Disco 4/1

Seventy Nine FC 5/1

Tim Riggins Bench Warmers 8/1

Royale with TD’s 8/1

Super Swedes 10/1

French Leader 12/1

Bone Rocks 12/1

Bryants Baptists 12/1

Ttttaylor 16/1

It’s A Lottery 20/1

Fear Factory 33/1

Anyone wish to bet a couple of Carltons* on who might be the winner? (Please bet responsibly).

Good luck for the week 6 gentlemen.

CW & BB

* A Carlton is the imaginary currency of the CNFLE II. Each Coach starts with an credit account of 10 Carltons that they can use over the course of the season on hypothetical wagers without damaging the ‘real life’ finances unduly.

The Score That Was Heard Around The World.

Team Of Week

Beyond Super.

What the (insert your own profanity here) is going on!?! How can a man move forward in his life when everything he knew to be true has been ripped from his very soul. Its week 5 and the Super Swedes have just dumped all over Yoda from Wales, ripping that leek sabre from the green ones paws and sticking it where the twin suns of Tatooine don't shine.

QB Romo, 34.14pts. WR White 19.10pts, TE Lewis 17.40pts. All and that and more added up to 142.94 total pts. That's the third highest score this year! Are you kidding me? This win has blown the league wide open like a TIE missile hitting the heart of the Death Star. If the Swedes can beat Yoda then logic dictates they can beat anyone and all of this on the back of an 0-3 start. They have brought hope to the chasing pack. A chasing pack that's not even chasing any-more. Week 6 can't come quick enough for this reporter. Can Yoda regain his balance against the Rook? Will the Swedes take down the impressive 79FC? Yoda. Beaten. And no one saw that coming!

(NB - “Get the doctor quick. I think I must have drunk too much sea water. Swedes to end Yoda’s perfect season and give hope to the rest of the League!” Week 5 Preview – Carl & Bob.)

Luckiest Team Of The Week

Fact.

I don't what they are drinking down at the Hairy Frog Disco but I'm damn sure it ain't legal. With the teams 17millon dollar QB on a bye and the admittedly impressive Steelers D also sitting this one out the Disco Head Coach was forced to go to the waiver wire. Having left his changes ridiculously late due to excessive partying, QB Hills and the Bears D were pretty much all that was left and wouldn't you just know it the Disco luck out once again as the replacements combine for 58.98pts. Class clown WR Ochocinco managed a mighty 2pts, WR Driver 5.80pts and RB Wells 4.00pts. That's 3 players for a total of 11.80pts. But that's not going to stop the leagues luckiest team, not when the Colts decided this is the week when field goals will do just fine and Houston let WR Nicks just stand in the endzone to catch touchdown after touchdown. For the Royales RB Rice had a breakout day and QB Rivers continues to deliver the fantasy goods. But when your up against the kind of dark magic that the Disco have been weaving this season what chance do you have? This result combined with Yoda defeat means that the Disco have just become legit.

A Contradiction In Terms

Fast forward to the seasons end for the Lottery.

A Lottery – defined as any happening or process that is or appears to be determined by chance. Then tell me how a team that loses week in week out can be determined by chance. A losing team can only be determined by one thing and that's a lousy Coach. When you consider the team name they sure are showing a lack of balls. 79FC had this one won before their D had even taken the field. At 0-5 all the Lottery have to look forward to is a battle with Fear Factory for next years number one pick. 79FC on the other hand could have a shiny new trophy to look forward to as they continue to impress. With QB Manning failing to throw for a zillion yards for the first time this season in a field goal fest against the Chiefs WR Lloyd stepped forward to deliver a career day and 28.50pts. As is the way with 79FC the rest of the team produced solid performances doing enough to chalk up another W. They are the only team so far this season not to succumb to the Disco's voodoo and as such may well be the favourites to take the leagues toughest division. One thing is for sure, no one needs to remind 79FC that but for 0.64pts they would now be a perfect 5-0.

The Best Worst Team In The League

Is it all over for Tttaylor?

Ttttaylor continue to be tttterrible. The Leagues pre-season favourites are responsible for so many ripped up betting slips that they could be used in this season ticker tape parade for the winners. Who will those winners be? Yoda? 79FC? The Luckiest Team? It's still any ones title at this stage. Anyone's expect Tttaylor (and the Lottery and the Factory but you already knew that.) Yep, that's rights, I, David Marrs hereby write off Ttttaylors chances for the season. It's true Week 5 was a tough loss but when QB Kolb starts for Philly you might as well bench WR Jackson. By contrast this was a big win for the Baptists and puts them back in the hunt for that solitary play-off berth. Eyebrows where raised when the two time winner of bad call of the week elected to leave QB McNabb on the bench and start the second year Jets QB Sanchez but huge weeks for RB Forte 33.80pts and WR Flloyd 32.30pts rendered the decision academic.

Rock 'n' French Roll

The Bones did indeed rock.

The Bone Rocks served up a much need win to halt a two game slide against a French Leader team that was looking for their third straight W. It was a performance out of the 79FC play book for the Bones as each squad member delivered a rock solid performance. They currently sit in the second tier of CNFLEII, a team with enough quality to reach the play offs but not enough to go beyond. The same can be applied to the Leader who will be disappointed but not heartbroken with this result. As all our teams travel along the road towards possible fantasy glory there are going to be down weeks (just ask Yoda) but in a league as competitive as this one, those down weeks are going to cost you.

The Return Of Rookie Watch

The Rooks watch.

After throwing last weeks game against the Luckiest Team the Rook decided to turn up to his match up against the Factory. Despite a bout of nerves brought about by late changes to his team the retooled Bench Warmers duly delivered the Rooks fourth win of the season. The Bench Warmers are one of leagues lowest scoring teams (even the Lottery can boast a better points return) but they continue to beat what's put in front of them.

For the Factory that no-one fears they remain on course for the nightmare that is imperfect season. Coach Botond continues to shuffle his pack in an attempt to find that elusive royal flush but keeps coming up with nothing but jokers.

Bench Of The Week

79FC makes all the right moves leaving a paltry 1.80pts on the bench.

Bad Call Of The Week

The Lottery Head Coach.  Clearly a fool.

The Lottery Coach needs a slap around the head for starting TE Olsen for a Cutlerless Bears. Olsen delivered a big fact zero whilst TE Witten posted a seasons best 14.40pts from the bench.

Luckiest Good Call Of The Week

The Disco stick a pin in the waiver wire and come up with Hills, the Bears D and 58.98pts. Don't be surprised if the Head Coach finds that winning Euro Millions ticket stuffed down the back of his sofa.

Vasco De Gama CNFLE II official bookmaker.

Yoda From Wales 2/5

Seventy Nine FC 3/1

The Hairy Frog Disco 4/1

Tim Riggins Bench Warmers 5/1

Royal with TD’s 6/1

The Bone Rocks 6/1

French Leader 6/1

Bryants Baptists 12/1

Super Swedes 12/1

Ttttaylor 14/1

Its A Lottery 28/1

Fear Factory 33/1

And so a  momentus week 5 is in the bag. 

Read all about Week 6 before it even happens with Carl and Bob this Saturday.

The W is out there.

David Marrs.