The Clock Is Ticking - Week 11 Preview

The Clock Is Ticking - Week 11 Preview

‘Guilty’ bellowed the Right Honourable Judge Julius Peppers, banging his ancient gavel on the oak framed bench of the Nottingham High Court. ‘Take them down please Sheriff, take them down’, Carl and Bob looked solemnly at each other.

‘Beeeeeeg Eeeeeeeshew’ implored the bearded vagabond formerly known as Bond, ‘Beeeeeeg Eeeeeeeeshew’. The three legged pooch snoozing on Bond’s winter warming blanket in the doorway of Debenhams drowsily looked up. The public passed on by, oblivious to the former CIA, MI5 agent deep, deep, deep undercover.

‘It is done’ purred the delectable Tatania, into the flip top Motorola as perched on the end of the ruffled four poster, she elegantly slipped the first of her silk stockings over her perfectly smooth and delightfully proportioned limb.

‘Das is gut’, replied the shadow lurking in the nightmares of Bob and Carl.

After ten weeks of preening, posturing and prancing, we have reached the money end of the season as the second round of divisional games is upon us. With only three teams definitely out of the mix there is so much left to play for. Be warned however dear reader, it is entirely possible that all nine ‘live’ teams will still be marching strong come the conclusion of the weekends fixtures and we will all be none the wiser!

Game of the Week.

Yoda from Wales v Ttttaylor

"Fly Eagles fly, on the road to vic-tor-y!"

After the first round of divisional matches were complete, Yoda were sitting pretty unbeaten at the summit of Division two, whilst pre season favourites Ttttaylor were struggling at 1 and 2. Seven weeks on it’s time for the divisional rivalries to recommence and in that time Yoda and Ttttaylor have both won four and dropped three. This is the week where we find out whether Yoda is who we thought he was, or whether Ttttaylor was ttttoying with us all along.

Yoda has had relative success at the QB slot all season, and is favouring Matt Cassell over the early season signal caller Matt Shaub at this current time, however, whoever he selects will be playing second fiddle in this game to Ttttaylor’s top man, Mr Vick. Acquired in a preposterous trade for an LT who is now running on fumes, there is no-one hotter in the league right now, and the sixty points acquired last week for his six touchdown performance was a season record for an individual player tally. Don’t expect the same again this week, but how can anyone stop this guy now that he has become a pocket passer as well as keeping up his road runner impersonations! Edge : Ttttaylor

This is a tag team battle of the super heavy weights this week. In the Blue corner we have Arian Foster, sleeper of the season, who has a tough matchup against the Jets and ‘All day’ AP who still keeps churning out the performance week in week out. In the red corner though sit last years fantasy superstar CJ who found it tough sledding early season, but seems to have found a bit of form and Cowboys back Felix Jones who has become fantasy relevant again in the hard nosed Jason Garrett offence that surprised everyone last week. This pick must be based on the matchups and Washington and the Lions sound a bit softer to us than the Pack and the Jets. Edge : Ttttaylor

Injuries have blighted recent wideout performances for Yoda with Austin Collie struggling and Sidney Rice still unable to suit up. What with Brandon Marshall limping out of the Thursday night matchup with a hamstring strain after only scoring four points, the heat is on unproven Anthony Armstrong and the evergreen top fantasy wide receiver, T.O. to claw back some much needed points. Armstrong has a tough matchup against the Titans though. D-Jacks love affair with the Vick-meister has strengthened Ttttaylors hand in the receiving corps. Dez Bryant’s promotion to favourite target for the limited Kitna, and Mike Wallace’s emergence as a legitimate target for Big Ben suggest that things are looking rosy in this department for the Ttttaylor gang. Edge : Ttttaylor

No Antonio Gates! That’s the story here. Yoda bring in Brandon Pettigrew who is a decent substitute and has a good matchup this week against a weak Cowboys pass D. Ttttaylor have acquired the surprise package Marcedes Lewis, who after a few years of underachievement is now looking like the fantasy star we thought he might be. We prefer the Lion’s matchup however Edge : Yoda

Nul points. Thats how many Miami kicker Carpenter contributed this week after Miami were shut out on Thursday. So for Yoda it’s the Jets D (facing up against their own Arian Foster (never a good situation for a team)) against the Chiefs and Matt Bryant. Although the Jets are the better defensive unit, we like the fact the Chiefs face up against an error ridden Cards offence and especially the odds of two to one against! Edge : Ttttaylor

Injuries are wreaking havoc with Yoda’s push for the post season. Coupled with the fact that they have had poor waiver positions pretty much since the start of the season, the force is starting to look weak. ‘Your powers are weak old man’. Ttttaylor however are now hitting their straps and are building up a head of momentum which, if they make the playoffs, could prove to be unstoppable. The trouble is, have they left it too late?

Verdict – Ttttaylor by tttten

Tim Riggins Bench Warmers v Royale with TD’s

The Rook.  One defeat all season.

The math is simple for the Riggins boys, win two from four and they’re in no matter what happens. If they win this one, and the Swedes lose this week against the Baptists then they’re also in. For Royale, the bell has rung at the last chance saloon. It’s win or bust.

Questions in the receiving corps have prompted a less than confident press release from the Bench warmers ‘Uhoh we’re in trouble this week’ was all it relayed. Reverse psychology perhaps as the Riggins mojo just keeps on trucking. How? We’re not sure either. It just keeps happening, so who is to say it won’t do so again this week. No star names, no predictions as it’s all a mystery. Like an old oak tree.

Rivers and Rice are twice as nice this week against the Broncos and Panthers respectively. Look for them to score 25+ points. A resurgent Dwayne Bowe leads an improving receiving corps this week and he should contribute nicely to a strong looking line up with a list of favourable matchups. The Bench warmers will drop this one, but will still make it to the start line for the post season races.

Verdict : Royale by 10

French Leader v Seventy Nine FC

JuJu.  As requested by P.Manning.

Anybody want to win Division 3? Any takers? No? Well, if Seventy Nine FC can manage to overcome the French resistance this week, the odds will be firmly in their favour. If the French can repeat their success of last week then it could be a three way tie at the top of the table with only three weeks to go, and then we are all in the madhouse!

Rodgers will look to do well against his old nemesis Favre, and should give the French a decent platform from which to build. Boldin will be involved early against the Panthers, but may suffer if the Ravens get to far ahead. Welker will be an important target this week for Brady as the Pats face off against the Colts. McFadden could struggle against a Steelers D looking to put things right and the Ravens D will maul the big cats and post a big score.

Will Peyton get his juju back? 7 points last week condemned the Niners to a chastening defeat in the same week that the press finally jumped on their band wagon. The absence of a big name back could prove to be the difference although both Blount and Best could score decently. Much will rest on Brandon Lloyd and Fitzgerald to carry the Niners hopes on their shoulders this week. We will find out whether Tamme (Taylor) is the real deal against a decent Patriots defence.

Verdict : French by 7

Bryants Baptists v Super Swedes

The Baptists new kicker?

Following recent League developments concerning future draft orders, questions have to be asked about the recent Baptists team strategy. No kicker? Losing to a seriously out of form Disco? Consistently the lowest points scorers? Anyone would think that they were aiming for next years number one pick! Notwithstanding the above, the Swede’s challenge lives on. By the skin of their teeth they survive to fight another week. They must win out from here on in to win the division or risk chancing their arm in the scramble for that wild card spot. As it is they stand they are 67 points off that place, and the way things are going it could all come down to that one big week.

Thursday nights fixture proved to be decent for the Baptists with Forte scoring well and Hester contributing a few and sees the Baptist’s take and early lead. It is however difficult to see where else any big points could come from. Colston and Steve Smith (yes, that one) have had poor seasons, Greene has not delivered and has lost carries to LT. With Sanchez as the signal caller and the Panthers D, things do not look good. Not good at all!!

Bringing back Roddy White after his mysterious absence will help the Swedes quest. He will lead the aerial attack again this week. Mojo is quietly going about his business again after a slow start. We like Charles to light it up against the Cards this week and Fitzpatrick to continue to impress as the replacement for the crocked Romo. Swedes to go well this week and reduce the points deficit.

Verdict : Swedes by a zillion

It’s a Lottery v The Bone Rocks

Bones love.

Both teams start even, and we anticipate this game will be a lot closer than one would expect. The Lottery are starting to find a bit of form despite last weeks heartbreaker. The Bone seem to be blowing a bit hot and cold at the moment but currently sit in that wildcard berth. They can afford no slip ups. The pressure is on.

The question on everyone’s lips this week was whether Coach Andy would bring back Brees for Favre. Ahem, are you kidding me? Favre should be benched, dropped, struck off in all league from this point forward and even the Commish and his hapless Lottery can see that. Coming back after the bye Brees will put up monster numbers, the Pack will gun down the oldest gunslinger in town and Hillis will continue to prove he will be worth a high pick next time the draft rolls around.

Coach Lars will be feeling a little exposed and unloved at this time we think. League poster boys Yoda have taken all their limelight and have sat tantalisingly above all season long, and now Ttttaylor is chasing his tail and predicted to steal their way into the playoffs. It’s just not fair!! Where is the Bone love! Let’s not forget that the Bone have scored the third most points overall this year (okay Yoda and Ttttaylor are 1 & 2!) and in Ryan, Gore, Jennings, Davis and especially Megatron they have a stellar line up which would crush most teams before them. Pick any or all of the above to score the points that will do for the Lottery this week. Branch to score 15 points? I will take a Carlton on that I think.

Verdict : Bone by 13

Fear Factory v The Hairy Frog Disco

Are the Disco running scared?

Okay, after seeing off the mighty Baptists last week with a massive 78 point total, the Frogs now face the even mightier Factory whom they meted out rough justice all those weeks ago. There is trouble in the swamp just at the wrong time. The Factory, having finally buried their hoodoo some weeks ago received an official League apology for suggesting they had fired their Coach last week. Coach Botond rang the changes and was rewarded with a hundred point haul in what was however an ultimately futile effort.

Drop Brady... only a fool would do that! So back in he comes this week after the Disco benched him on his most productive week of the season. Go figure. Problems with the much vaunted Steelers D could prove too much to overcome. Nicks leads an infuriatingly inconsistent receiving corps. Brady and Turner will need to be on their game if the Disco are to succeed. What has happened to Keller? Santonio Holmes, thats what! Hopeless. How this team are still in with a shout is beyond us here at Carlton Towers. Black magic weaving its sinister tendrils through the NFL perchance?

The Factory already sit thirty points to the good after the Bears inflicted the first Miami home shut out for forty years. That sort of lead should prove too much for the Disco to overcome with all eight skill players yet to play. However upon closer scrutiny, Big Ben aside, it still looks as if serious points will be hard to come by. There are still question marks about Barber even playing since being fined by Garrett for breaking the Cowboys dress code, Moreno in a pass first offence, and the receiving corps save for Johnson in Buffalo (did we really say that?). A moderate total is predicted for the Factory this week, but still enough to see off a woeful Disco.

Verdict : Factory by 6

This is it then, first came the league set up and scouting, then came the draft. All the hopes and dreams present in those early weeks have been boiled down to this, the home straight, where winners are forged and losers are forgotten.

Wins this week for Ttttaylor, Royale, French Leader, Swedes, Bone and Factory, will see the Riggins boys have to wait another week to clinch Division one, tcan he Bone and Ttttaylor apply a modicum of pressure on the once invincible Yoda and force a three way tie at the top of Division 3? Who will blink first?

Drat, I blinked!

Vasco De Gama CNFLE II official bookmaker.

Tim Riggins Bench Warmers Evens

Yoda from Wales 5/4

Bone Rocks 3/1

Seventy Nine FC 4/1

Ttttaylor 5/1

Super Swedes 6/1

Hairy Frog Disco 6/1

French Leader 6/1

Royale With Td’s 10/1

Anyone wish to bet a couple of Carltons* on who might be the winner? (Please bet responsibly).

Good luck for the week 11 gentlemen.

Ed

* A Carlton is the imaginary currency of the CNFLE II. Each Coach starts with an credit account of 10 Carltons that they can use over the course of the season on hypothetical wagers without damaging the ‘real life’ finances unduly.

It Makes No Sense!

It Makes No Sense.

Favre costs his team the game.

Is Brett Favre a Hall of Fame legitimate candidate? Not in the eyes of Lottery fans thats for sure. With Brees on a bye Coach Andy went with the oldest gun-slinger in town watched in horror Favre's 3 interceptions duly tossed away any chance the Lottery had of extending their win streak.

For the Bench Warmers this was the fifth time this season that they've won a match up without having to break 100pts. They are 10 & 1. They lead the league. They are the fourth lowest scoring team in the league. It makes no sense I tell ya!

It Makes No Sense.

Could French Leader make an appearance?

Can anyone remember the French Leader? A promising start to the season began to sour after 3 defeats on the spin left them stand at 4 & 5 with Yoda to play in week 10. Defeat to Yoda would leave the Leader at 4 & 6 and dump them out of the wild card race. One problem. Yoda's not Yoda anymore! Even a team with a losing record can beat Yoda! This was not meant to happen. Yoda now leads Division 2 with the chasing pack looking stronger each week. Week 11 sees the little green muppet up against a resurgent Tttaylor. Yoda to miss out on the playoffs? You heard it here first. If French Leader can turn over 79FC (who are crap and brilliant and crap again) they could go top of Division 3. French Leader to make the playoffs? It makes no sense I tell ya!

It Makes No Sense.

The Disco D.  0 pts.

How is it possible to win a game by posting 73.92? You evoke the vodoo magic of the leagues luckiest team. With a schedule softer than Donovan McNabb's belly the Frogs may yet makes the playoffs and in this most ridiculous of seasons they could win the whole darn show. The Baptists elected to go with the 'No K' offensive. This is without doubt the worse team in the league, poor from QB to D and at everything position in-between. At the start of the season the Baptists were being hailed as master strategists and now they try to win a match up without a kicker? It makes no sense I tell ya!

 It Makes No Sense.

Thomas.  Just as good as White.  Honest.

Fear Factory became one of many teams not to turn up against Yoda in week 9. With so many empty spaces on the Factory roaster rumours began to spread that perhaps the Fear had thrown in the towel, that they had quit the league. But the coaches of this league are men of integrity, proud men who will keep the faith until the fat lady does indeed sing. Not that it mattered, the Factory lost once again.

After losing to the mighty Lottery in week 9 the Swedes needed this one to remain in the hunt for a wildcard. The Swedes forgot about the Thursday night game and left WR White and his 28.80pts on the bench only for WR Thomas to take the field and deliver 25.70pts. It makes no sense I tell ya!

It Makes No Sense.

A changed man?

Tttaylor. The enigma of the league. Are you just toying with us? A season high 151.82pts on the back of the finest QB performance I'm ever seen from ex-offender Vick leaves Ttttaylor at 5 & 5 and right back in the wildcard race. 79FC won't have to play the like of Vick and his 60.32pts every week but they will have to post more than 94.90pts if they want to reach the playoffs. 79FC, I rubbish you and your fantastic, I praise you and your rubbish. It makes no sense I tell ya!

It Makes No Sense.

"I'm gonna take us to the playoffs coach."

The Bones Rocks have been solid performers all season long and I'm not about to right them off after this defeat. 120Pts win far more games than it will lose this season. Royale with Td's have had their moments and this was certainly one of them. QB Garrard proved a fine replacement for Rivers who had fallen to a dose of bye fever. This win moves the Royale's to 5 & 5 and right back into the hunt for that precious wildcard. Did I mention WR Bowe and his 33.60pts? It makes no sense I tell ya?

If The Playoffs Where Today.

The end is in sight gentlemen. In just four short weeks we will know our playoff teams. At the time of writing only the Fear Factory, The Lottery and Bryants Baptists are out of it but may I take a moment to commend these teams coaches for their continued commitment to the league. As for the rest of you, your all still it!

The Playoffs will consist of our three divisional winners and the team in second with the best record. Tie breakers for final regular season standings are as follows:

* Overall Record (Winning Percentage)
* Points Scored
* Points Scored Against (Most Difficult Schedule)

As things stands the playoffs would look like this....

Bench Warmers (1) v Bones Rocks (4)

Yoda (2) v 79FC (3)

Vasco De Gama CNFLE II official bookmaker.

Tim Riggins Bench Warmers Evens

Yoda from Wales 2/1

Bone Rocks 4/1

Seventy Nine FC 4/1

Hairy Frog Disco 6/1

Ttttaylor 6/1

Super Swedes 8/1

French Leader 12/1

Royale With Td’s 15/1

Falling apart at the seams - Week 10 Preview

Guess who’s back, yes we’re back... yes we’re back, guess who’s back, yes we’re back... shady’s back.....

Here’s the skinny, Bob & Carl, sitting in Hooters, full to the brim of cheap liquor ran their mouths off to the Ed about Colt McCoy being the saviour of the Browns, cast out lewd comments to their hot panted servers and were promptly arrested by a pair of upstanding British bobbies. Had it coming I guess.

Lewd comments.  Unnecessary.

 Bond, confused by recent events surrounding the unexpected recovery of the top secret information on the lost USB, was last seen accosting a young feller me lad with CND patches on his camouflaged jacket who allegedly ‘wouldn’t turn the tch tch tch down on his personal stereogram / radiogram thingy’. He has not been seen since. Rumour has it Bond then went to Wembley for the UK Bowl sporting a Cowboys jersey and, disguised in horn rimmed glasses, verbally abused several members of the Broncos team as they returned to the dressing room at the half before fleeing the scene dressed as a cheerleader, however those rumours are as yet unsubstantiated. Doctors are extremely worried. Please do not try to engage in any form of social interaction if you see anyone bearing this description.

Bond?

So it’s back to basics for this week 10 preview, and some would say thank goodness for that. No more of this tenuously linked storytelling. No sirree, its class ‘A, top dollar football punditry all the way from here on in.....

Honest.

Game of the Week.

Tim Riggins Bench Warmers v It’s A Lottery

Manning.  No, not that one!

A grudge match of sorts, it’s the Rookie who keeps tearing up the formbook against the grumpy old underachieving Commish. The Riggins boys have won the last five straight to sit pretty at the top of the rankings at 8 & 1, the Lottery have finally buried their hoodoo and won the last two with impressive scores. Although it’s perhaps a bit late for the Lottery this year they could yet do some damage to the Bench Warmers title aspirations.

Riggins policy of rotating Cutler and Manning Jnr is paying off with big dividends. This week they plump for Manning who will light it up against the Cowboys despite the sacking of Uncle Wade. With all the time in the world Eli will pick holes in a soft secondary who are playing for the beach already. The Lottery have their No. 1 pick, Brees, on a bye this week so will rely on the oldest gunslinger in town this week to steer the Lottery, Favre’s matchup is favourable against the Bears, however his arm is not what it was. Edge : Riggins.

Despite ditching both their drafted backs, the Lottery has a solid running game in Hillis and Tomlinson. Interestingly for some, they both face off against each other and Coach Elliott will be hoping for a run first ask questions later sort of game, and as both the Jets & Browns have serviceable pass defences it is a distinct possibility. The running game has been the Achilles heel for the Riggins boys this year. Stewart, Spiller, Portis have all gone by the wayside. Jones in Kansas has been a relative success but is now losing carries to the more elusive Charles. Taylor fills in at number 2 after a decent performance last week. As a 3^rd down back, coming out in the backfield he has limited value but could end up with 40 yards and a Td which will be all that can be expected. Edge : Lottery

Andre Johnson will cause a points riot against Jacksonville, Wayne will burn Houston and Hines Ward has fantasy relevance now that Big Ben is booming out the chimes again. It all looks good for the Bench Warmers in the receiving corps this week. Look for 50 points plus here, minimum. Despite recent improvement, the Lottery still have problems in this department. Harvin’s recent good production did not drop off as expected following the loss of Moss, and may get some looks against a Bears secondary. Watch out for the old ‘Gator’ end around this week. Crabtree is starting to look like the real deal at last and a matchup against the Rams should yield a high return. Austin however is a problem. With Kitna at the helm he is merely a bit part player in the Cowboy’s offence, and has had only one red zone look since Romo went down. Its a case of ‘Romo, Romo where for art thou Romo?’ for the Lottery. Edge : Bench Warmers

Austin’s malaise is Witten’s bonus as Kitna has discovered that what a great safety valve the Pro Bowl TE is for da Pokes. For Riggins boys Gonzo already played in the Thursday night game and scored a meagre 3.9 points which given the performance of Matt Ryan was a poor return. Edge : Lottery

With the sack happy Packers on a bye this week, Coach Andy relies again on his Rams defence. They have a decent matchup against the 49ers, trouble is for the Lottery that every Crabtree yard will hurt his own team. It is always a dilemma. Luckily for the Lottery the Bench Warmers D is also on a bye. The final decision on the replacement this week has yet to be confirmed, but with the Lions and Eagle defences still available on the waiver wire I would suggest that the Bench warmers may be okay this week. Edge : Lottery

Despite having the edge in three departments, the two key areas of difference this week will be the scale of the Manning haul against the Cowboys and the trio of receivers for the Bench Warmers. All the points will come from these four players, and no matter what Lottery do, the fates have decided this year that Riggins will win by 3 no matter how well the opponent fares. We pick the Lottery’s recent revival to end in tears.

Verdict – Riggins by 3

Ttttaylor v Seventy Nine FC

The Panthers. Hapless.

Pre season favourites Tttttaylor found some form again last week to take down a flailing Disco. After finally getting some love from the press, Seventy Nine FC put up their worst performance of the season and flopped against the Bench Warmers. If Tttttaylor can win this one then they are back in the wild card mix, Seventy Nine will want to win to cement their position at the top of the weakest division.

Already 10 points to the good from kicker Matt Bryant, the Vick & D-Jack tandem will be crucial to the Ttttaylor success. Chris Johnson is to get back on track against the Dolphins run D, and Lewis will score heavily against Houston.

Lloyd is back for Seventy Nine, and after the bye week should post a healthy score although he has a tough matchup against the Chiefs backs. Best is back for the Lions but may split carries, Blount is looking like the go to guy in the Bucs backfield and could post a massive score against the hapless Panthers.

Verdict : Ttttaylor by 10

Yoda From Wales v Royale With TD’s

T.O.  This seasons highest scoring fantasy WR.

After a mid season blip from the Yoda, the force is back and they are looking like the team to beat once more. French Leader have dropped four straight and need to win this one if they are to have any chance of making it through to the playoffs. The French have already burnt two players for 17 points due to the Thursday night game.

Foster, Peterson and Owens all feature for the Yoda this week and will all contribute. Shaub has a good matchup as well against the Jaguars, and we even like Brandon Marshall to post 15 points against a Titans ‘D’. Look for 130 points plus this week for the Green wizard.

There is work to do in Paris this week. Orton needs to have a blinder and McCoy needs to run the Eagles offence this week for the Leader to have any chance. Too much to do this week, I fear. Zoot alors!

Verdict : Yoda by 17

Fear Factory v Super Swedes

Tracking the Swedes season.

Following revelations that Fear factory only fielded six players last week, the question is, have we finally had our first coaching casualty of the season? If ever there was a good time to forget to put in your star receiver before the Thursday night kick off then a matchup against the Factory would be that week. But could it be a schoolboy error that ultimately costs the Swedes their dream of playoff glory?

Smith is out, but that still leaves eight fit players this week for the Factory. Buffalo’s Steve Johnson has become a viable fantasy option and we think will do well in a shootout against Detroit. Marion Barber makes a return to fantasy football relevance with the appointment of Jason Garrett as Dallas headcoach. Moss of Randy fame to come in at the eleventh hour and go for 100yds and a TD?

With the omission of White, Charles and Mojo will hold the keys to the Volvo convertible this week. The loss of Romo has been mitigated a little by the trade for Fitzpatrick and he will produce big numbers again this week. It will be a close run thing, but ‘White-gate’ could prove the difference

Verdict : Factory by 6

The Bone Rocks v Royale with Td’s

With the score at 34-10 (ish) after Thursday night, this is now an eight v eight match. The Rocks still occupy the wild card spot at this time, but with 3 tough divisional matchups in the upcoming weeks they will want to make sure they take as much from the next couple of matches as possible. Royale posted a monster score last week and as everyone knows, if you can get some momentum going into the playoffs then anything can happen.

Gore and Davis return for the Niners after their Wembley triumph and subsequent bye week, and will relish the matchup against the Rams. Megatron will go beserk against Buffalo and is the ‘start of the week’ as far as we are concerned. 150 yards and multiple TD’s as the Lions won’t shake off the Bills in a high scoring thriller.

Starting running back Rice underwhelmed leaving Royale a little short, and with Rivers replaced by Garrard, the QB position is not as strong either. Bradshaw will run all day against the hapless Cowboys. Close, but no cigar

Verdict : Bone by 14

Bryants Baptists v The Hairy Frog Disco

Big week for the Steelers D?

Bryants Boys came into the season full of hope, full of dreams, however they now sit ranked 11^th after dropping their fourth straight loss. The silver lining this week however is they are facing a Disco whose early season form is just a faded memory, who are in a real mess with at least half of their squad questionable or not practising. Something has to give as the Disco have dropped three straight and are in real danger of ending the season with a losing record for the first time.

Hmmm, Mendenhall might score well and Sanchez could do okaaayyyy, and thats about it. Steve Smith is a non entity and the Panthers D? It looks tough for the Baptists, Carlson could get double digits against the Cards.

With Turner already done and Brady a questionable start against the Pittsburgh defence this week, Wells still gimpy from his injection allergy, Evans and Ochocinco banged up, Portis still making his way back it’s all hands to the pump this week for the desperate Disco. Shaun Hill won’t let the side down this week and Nicks will have to have a multiple TD game. Steelers to rampage? Ultimate Sleeper of the week, Mike Goodson, who?

Verdict : Disco by 6

With four games left after this week, things are really starting to take shape. All but the Baptists, Lottery and Factory are not yet out of it, and the results from week 9 brought Ttttaylor and Royale back into the mix.

Wins this week for Riggins, Ttttaylor, Yoda, Factory, Disco and the Boners however will see the Riggins boys almost playoff bound and the wild card spot in the hands of the runner up in division two. It’s still all to play for but the Swedes, Royale and Ttttaylor might now need a minor miracle to make it through.

Yoda from Wales 4/7

Tim Riggins Bench Warmers 2/1

Bone Rocks 3/1

Seventy Nine FC 3/1

Hairy Frog Disco 6/1

Ttttaylor 10/1

Super Swedes 10/1

French Leader 16/1

Royale With Td’s 25/1

Bryants Baptists 100/1

It’s A Lottery 200/1

Fear Factory 250/1

Anyone wish to bet a couple of Carltons* on who might be the winner? (Please bet responsibly).

Good luck for the week 10 gentlemen.

Ed

* A Carlton is the imaginary currency of the CNFLE II. Each Coach starts with an credit account of 10 Carltons that they can use over the course of the season on hypothetical wagers without damaging the ‘real life’ finances unduly.

Special London Edition - Week 8

Team Of The Week

Crabtree scores for the Lottery.

It's often said that all good things must come to an end but its seldom mentioned that the same maxim applies to all bad things. So it was in week 8 as we finally saw the end of the league longest running losing streak, with the Lottery at last picking the rights numbers to come up with the W.

Some coaches may have missed the controversial mid-week trade between the Lottery and the Swedes. The Lottery had picked up Bills QB Fitzpatrick from the waiver wire only to exchange him for 49ers WR Crabtree. Crabtree proved good value with 11.30pts in a week when all the Lotteries WR's contributed. Whether the Commish feels quite so good come week 10 with QB Brees on a bye and no back up QB in sight in another matter entirely.

The Baptists must now play out the rest of the season walking that difficult line between pride and a high draft pick for season CNFLE III as only divine intervention will see them claim a wild card berth. Franchise WR Colston and franchise RB Mendenhall must take their share of the blame for Baptists fall from grace. All too often these two young stars have failed to shine leaving the Baptists in a three way battle for the CNFLE wooden spoon and in case you were all wondering, yes it exists and yes it will be engraved!

Seventy Nine FC – Really Quite Good.

Lloyd. A stunning performance.

The leagues most underrated team refused to comment on the slander posted by this very reporter in this very column because they are quite clearly chickens. Be that as it may these chicks could well end up laying a golden egg as the79ers continue to go about their business with increasing authority. WR Lloyd lit up the grey skies over Wembley with an astonishing display against San Fran including one miracle grab for a TD. Meanwhile, across the pond, RB Green-Ellis was having a career day with 112yds, 2 TD's and 11 receiving yrds for a total of 27.30pts. These two players define the FC philosophy as Head Coach Martin takes players other coaches have passed by and molds them into fantasy stars.

Royale with TD's saw WR Sims-Walker put up his best numbers of the season (against a Dallas team that looks like they have already begun next seasons proposed lock out) and QB Rivers pretty much guarantees you 20pts plus week in week out, but the rest of the squad look woeful. Realistically the Royales can say goodbye to any hope of a divisional title and are in danger of falling behind in the race for a wild card.

Still Nothing To Fear.

A smile and a wiggle.

The roar of Factory proved to be nothing more than the tiniest blip on their road to fantasy ignominy as they came crashing down from last weeks victory like an asteroid hitting the earth in an extinction level event. In a display of big brass ones the Factory elected to employ the 'No D' scheme against the very team that created it. 46.40 total pts. This Factory is condemned. Big Ben, the Moss brothers, rookie RB Matthews shame on you, shame on you all.

The Factories opponent continues to ttttease. Just like a cheerleaders smile and wiggle you kid yourself that this is going somewhere but you know your only gonna end up disappointed. Well done Ttttaylor, you looked great in that tutu as you beat up on the leagues weakest but your 3-5, your were the leagues pre-season favourite, you had the first pick in the draft so when are you going shake what momma gave you for real?

The Karmic Wheel.

Regular readers of this column (and may I take a moment to thank you both) will recall that in previous posts I have spoken of my belief that the Disco's season was being built upon swampy foundations. A mixture of good fortune and voodoo had seen the Frogs rise the summit of the league but at last it appears that the karmic wheels are falling off this charade. Without Disco star WR Nicks Yoda was free to perform a clinical dissection of the Frogs. Yoda it would appear is back to his masterful best and is once again the team to beat. The green one has weak schedule as we turn the season's corner facing the like of the Factory and Lottery and will have his division wrapped up in time for Christmas.

Stats Are For Losers, The Final Score Is For Winners.

The back ups back up runs one in.

If the league was ranked by points scored the Bench Warmers would be sitting in 7^th place. If the league was ranked by which team has faced the highest scoring opponents they would be sitting in 12^th place. But we run on a week by week match up by match up basis and so Occam's razor dictates that the Warmers are indeed 7-1 and therefore the best team in the league. They achieved this win with the ninth lowest score of the week against a French Leader team that posted their lowest score of the entire season. Week 9 sees the Bench Warmers take on the really quite good 79ers and will need a win to convince this reporter that they are for real.

The Leader slips back to .500 but is still just one game behind a potential wild card berth. The squad need to discover their je nais se quoi in time for their week 9 match up against the Royales the loser of which could be done for the season.

Halloween Gore.

Frank 'Straight Ahead' Gore.

The Swedes have climbed out of their early season hole and extend their win streak to 5 in a close one against the Rocks with the Colts WR duo of Garcon and Gonzalez doing just enough to post the W. Running back Jones-Drew and Charles are in a fine run of form whith Jones-Drew looking healthy for the first time in the season. The Buccs D conceded 35pts against the Birds but still put up 23 fantasy pts courtesy of two defensive TD's. With QB Romo out and cut from the Swedes roster QB Fitzpatrick is the unknown by which the Swedes season hangs.

This defeat sees Rocks slip to 5-4, a game behind Yoda in Division 2. They are the league's third highest scoring team and will remain a threat as they chase down that precious wild card berth. RB Gore continues to deliver in a 49ers team that loves to power run, TE Davis left the Wembley game with an angle injury but now has two weeks to recover. The Rocks need to hit the waiver wire to pick up some cover for these two 49er stars in time for the week 9 match up against a forlorn Baptist squad.

Good Call.

The rook hits gold with his pick of the 49ers back up back up QB Smith for 20.04pts.

Bad Call.

French Leader leaves QB Orton and his 21.56pts on the bench and loses the game by 10.84pts.

Bench Of The Week.

The Rookie leave just 3.60pts on the bench due in part to a dose of bye fever.

Vasco De Gama CNFLE II official bookmaker.

Yoda from Wales Evens

Seventy Nine FC 2/1

Tim Riggins Bench Warmers 3/1

Super Swedes 3/1

Bone Rocks 4/1

Hairy Frog Disco 5/1

Royale with TD’s7 /1

French Leader9/1

Ttttaylor 15/1

Bryants Baptists 33/1

It's A Lottery 66/1

Fear Factory 100/1

All which means that week 8 is in the bag.  With just six weeks of the regular season remaining their are still nine teams in with a realistic shout at the playoffs.  Personally , I still cant see byond the bookies current top four but your welcome to prove me wrong.

Keep looking to the skies.

David Marrs

The 49ers D try to grab a souvenir glove.

There Can Be Only One.

Cries of a fix go up.

The Toilet Bowl.  It Promised.  It Delivered.

With the first silverware of the season up for grabs both coaches demanded nothing less from their respective teams than one final poor performance.  In the early games it appeared that the Lottery wanted this one more with QB Brees leading the way with a masterful performance throwing interception after interception.  Every pick ensured that Saints and Lottery WR Moore returned to the bench scoreless, a real result for Coach Andy and in a true stroke of genius the shock inclusion of the Rams D ensured a low return on both the offensive and defensive sides of the ball.
Things were not looking so positive for the Factory.  Their Bears D was busy sacking and intercepting and worse of all scoring a touchdown!  A 23pts return for the Factory D  had left Coach Botond in a big hole.  Then out of nowhere Brees starts hurling touchdown bombs and before you could say 'the Browns won?!?' 21.24pts had been registered for the Lotteries QB.  Just when the Factory thought they had a chance more bad news came their way when Big Ben chimed in with a huge 25.18pts, the only chink of light being the loss of a TD on a challenge late in the game.  

Moving into the late Sunday fixtures and the Lottery trailed by a comfortable 20pts, hopefully WR Harvin would continue his poor form.  Disaster.  The Vikings use Harvin on a trick play and he goes in from 12 yards for the score.  Late in the second half Harvin goes in for a second time but a challenge renders Harvin TD invalid and Lottery fans everywhere can breathe again.  For the Factory RB Mathews and WR Moss where remaining as anonymous as in they had done in the previous 6 winless weeks.  Then came one of the games defining moments.   Factory RB Moreno runs in a couple  TD's in quick succession!  Moreno finishes the game with a 21pts haul.  Coach Botond can't believe his bad luck.  QB Big Ben 25.18pts, the Bears D 23pts and RB Moreno 21pts, in this of all weeks!  

The Lottery where almost there, the Toilet Bowl so close their players could smell it.  Heading into the Monday night game the Factory could only hope that WR Smith (not that one the other one!) would fall to an early injury.  Even then he would be reliant on the Lotteries star WR Austin failing to repeat his spectacular Week 6 return of 1.2 pts and pray TE Witten would deliver another TD free display.  Within the opening minutes of Monday night the Giants turned the ball over and Witten found himself in the endzone the ball in his hands.  Was there still hope for the Factory?  Could they yet lose this game and in doing so claim the Bowl?
With both coaches prowling the touchlines the game then delivered the Lotteries and Romo's big break.  The Dallas QB's collarbone snapped, Austin and Witten had no-one to throw them the ball and the Lottery were home and dry!  To make matters worse for the Facory WR Smith went on to post a 1TD, 101 yd game for 19.10pts.  Indeed the Factories final total of 127.98pts was way in excess of anything that they had produced in the previous six weeks.
Post match the Lottery Head Coach, sitting upon the Toilet Bowl praised his players.  "I just want to thank all the players for their efforts over the last couple of days.  It's not the first time we've broken 100pts this season but thankfully on each and every occasion its not been enough and our reward, just like our season, stinks."  

 Big Mo's Favourite Team Of The Week.

Sweden.  Really quite cold.

The Swedes make it four on the spin and for the first time this season can boast a positive 4-3 record. A solid performance from their RB duo plus a frankly ridiculous 37.10pts haul from WR White means this one was never even close. The Swedes have a lot going for them, beautiful countryside, low house prices and the inventor of the sat nav but right now the best thing they have is momentum. With one of the strongest benches in the league the Swedes are beginning to look like a genuine threat. WR Branch is a good pick up despite returning only 3.90pts and RB Torain is making a stronger case for his inclusion in the starting line up with every passing week. Sweden looks like the place to be right about now.

Over is France we have riots. You may have heard that this is due to unrest in the public sector but in truth the fickle French public have lost patience with their leader and his outrageous team selection. The Leader entered this match up with the league fourth highest points total overall but only the third highest in his division. The Leader has a brutal schedule over the next few weeks. They may have the same 4-3 record as the Swedes but one team is in the ascendancy and one is clearly in decline.  

Big Mo's Second Favourite Team Of The Week.

The Swedes have a lot going for them, beautiful countryside, low house prices and the inventor of the sat nav but right now the biggest things they have is momentum. Yep, Swede number 2, Head Coach Lars and his Boney Rocks withstood the Disco Voodoo to move to an impressive 5-2. The Rocks seem to have fully recovered from their confidence draining defeat to Yoda and handed the Disco their heaviest defeat of the season so far. Whilst some argued this should have been our game of the week in truth it was a drab affair with the Rocks keeping the Disco at arms length throughout. It may have gone unnoticed by some readers by the Disco's form has been shaky of late. Single digit returns have been appearing all over their roaster. Have the Disco used up all their magic? I for one am predicting an 7-7 finish for the once proud Frogs.

79FC. Shouldn't They Be Crap?

79FC?

79FC chalked up the W with a RB to spare despite a worrying slow start. Still, before the 5-2 79ers start to feel too smug they should take into account they triumphed over the leagues lowest score of the week, lower than both the Lottery and the Factory. Indeed with the Factories first W signed, sealed and very much delivered the Baptists only have the leagues laughing stock stopping them from securing next years number one pick. For the 79ers this win moves them to the top of their division.  So why can't I take them seriously? They simply shouldn't be where they are. Their biggest score this week was delivered by Seahawks D! It just doesn't make any sense. Once you take Manning out of the starting line up they don't have a single decent player and yet still they stand 5-2. They are consistent, they are solid, they are unfashionable. But they are winners.

Look Who's Back.

Yoda's back.

They say you can judge a true champion by how they respond in the face of defeat. With a bad case of bye fever Yoda still beat up on Royale with TD's with relish. If WR White's 37.10pts was ridiculous then what can be said of WR Britt's 45.50pts! That's right, WR Britt, you know Britt, he plays for the Titans, how could all you coaches have missed him in the draft? So huge kudos to Yoda for a masterful selection. Ofcourse if we've talking kudos then one man above all others should take all the plaudits for this victory and that man is me. Yes, it was your very own David Marrs that rattled the green ones cage with a torrent of ridicule that has clearly awoken Yoda from his two game slump.

Royale now stand at 3-4 and are slipping behind in the playoff race. 3 games behind their division leader its a wildcard or bust for this star packed franchise. Week 8 sees the visit of the 79ers and a defeat here would leave them looking forward only to mid table mediocrity.

The Unexplained.

As a researcher into the hidden history of our planet I've come across more than my fair share of inexplicable mysterious but perhaps the most perplexing phenomenon that I've ever been faced with is the fact that the rookie is now 6-1. In a run of good fortune that even the Disco would be proud of no team has had fewer points score against them than the Bench Warmers. They have had perhaps the softest schedule of any team to the half way point and display a laissez faire attitude to team selection with replacements often selected just hours before kick off. Then again, they have beaten Yoda. This week the Bench Warmers took care of the leagues officially 'most disappointing' team in the guise of Ttttaylor. Ttttaylor reaches the midway point with a 2-5 record which is almost exactly as unlikely as the Bench Warmers being 6-1. But those are the facts. I just print them.

Bench Of The Week.

The French Leader leaves a league record 85.52pts on the bench, that's more than he left on the field!

Good Call.

Yoda.  Britt.  Nuff said.

Bad Call.

I refer you to bench of the week.

Vasco De Gama CNFLE II official bookmaker.

Yoda from Wales Evens

Tim Riggins Bench Warmers 2/1

Bone Rocks 3/1

Seventy Nine FC 3/1

Royale with TD’s3 /1

Super Swedes 3/1

French Leader4/1

Hairy Frog Disco 5/1

Bryants Baptists 12/1

Ttttaylor 15/1

Fear Factory 40/1

It's A Lottery 40,000,000/1

And with that we enter the second half of the season. In just 8 short weeks time we will know which four teams will occupy the playoffs spots. But if you can't wait that long I can now reveal that those four teams will be...divisional winners Bench Warmers, Yoda, and 79FC with the wildcard taken by the Super Swedes.

I'm off to Wembley to post a special report on the spellbounding Halloween matchup between the Bronocs and 49ers.

Don't forget to check back for the Week 8 preview with fans favourite Carl and Bob.

Look to skies.

David Marrs.