Whilst I’m Thinking About it......... Week 14 Preview.
‘Porridge again?’ enquired Bob.
‘Uh hu’, responded a forlorn looking Carl.
Tatania left her apartment, the morning sun shimmering off the lower back of her low slung Versace dress. She stepped seductively into the back of the Maserati waiting patiently for her appearance after a long night.
She slipped effortlessly onto the back seat.
The shadow that lurked in the back of Bob & Carl’s dreams was sat in the darkest corner of the back seat. ‘You are sure that there is no way that they can ruin us’ he growled.
‘I am sure’ Tatania purred, ‘All evidence of their findings have been eradicated’.
 |
| Tatania. Always a pleasure. |
Meanwhile, the bejewelled and bearded twelve foot King of Babylonia bounded down Luton High Street, resplendent still in his regal kagool and his mittens forged from sacred mammoth wool. He was headed directly for the building formerly known as Carlton Towers.
The building where Bob & Carl penned their early season reports.
The building where I, the Ed, still plough my lone literary furrow.
After scaring the slightly dishevelled receptionist half witless, (after all its not everyday a giant bearded plastic mack wearer, claiming to be the king of Babylonia demands to see the Ed), and convincing Security that indeed his identification was valid, the King reached my desk.
‘Ed’ said the King.
‘Yes, that’s me’ says I.
‘It appears that Bob & Carl left this when they visited me in the Subterraniverse some months ago‘, he slowly explained somewhat red faced, ‘it was in my pocket, and have only just found it, Sorry’.
The King rustled through his plastic pocket, found another raisin, munched it and handed over a small black plastic item.
‘USB’ he explained ‘I think they were working on finding out who would still be in the playoffs in week 14 using the crystal ball’ He looked around, ‘by the way where is it? Can I have my ball back?’.
I (Ed) placed the hallowed plug-in on my desk, ruminated for a moment and then plugged the USB into my official Hackney Marshes Chronicle laptop. The screen burst into life. I clicked the file with the most recent date.... the 3rd of October 2010.
It read.....
Eight teams will still be left in the hunt for three playoff spots, and the permutations will read like this.....
Here’s the skinny...
Division 1
Tim Riggins Bench Warmers.
Winners Division 1, Secured #1 seed for playoffs. Will play the wild card winners.
Royale with TD’s.
Royale with TD's will clinch wild card place with a WIN, and the following sequence of results...
- Yoda LOSS or, Bone Rocks LOSS or WIN with a total points score 106 points less than Royale.
The Royale's will clinch the wild card place with a LOSS if the following results occur.
- Super Swedes WIN by with a score of 11 points less than Royale
- Yoda WIN
- Bone Rocks LOSS with a total point score 106 points less than Royale.
- Ttttaylor LOSS or WIN with a total point score 85 less than Royale.
- Seventy Nine FC LOSS with a total point score 56 less than Royale.
- French Leader LOSS or WIN with a total point score 62 less than Royale.
- Hairy Frog Disco LOSS or WIN with a total point score of 24 less than Royale.
Super Swedes.
Super Swedes can only clinch Wild Card place with a WIN and the following sequence of results...
- Royale LOSS with a points score not exceeding the Swedes final week score by 9 points.
- Yoda WIN
- Bone Rocks LOSS with a point score 96 points less than the Swedes final week score.
- Tttaylor LOSS or WIN with a points score 75 points less than the Swedes final week score.
- Seventy Nine LOSS with a points score 45 points less than the Swedes final week score.
- French Leader LOSS or WIN with a point score 52 points less than the Swedes final week score.
- Hairy Frog Disco LOSS
The Super Swedes will be eliminated with a LOSS.
Bryants Baptists.
Eliminated, currently in possession of the #2 pick in next years draft.
Division 2
Yoda From Wales.
Yoda will WIN Division 2 with a WIN.
Yoda will WIN Divsion 2 with a LOSS and the following sequence of results
- Bone Rocks LOSS
Yoda will claim the WILDCARD with a LOSS and the following sequence of results.
- Bone Rocks WIN.
- Royale with TD's LOSS
The Bone Rocks.
The Bone Rocks will WIN Division 2 with a WIN and the following sequence of results...
- Yoda LOSS
The Bone Rocks will claim at least a wildcard spot with a WIN
The Bone Rocks will claim a wildcard spot with a LOSS and the following Sequence of results...
- Royale LOSS
- Swedes LOSS or WIN by a points score not exceeding the Bone Rocks final week score by 95 points.
- Ttttaylor LOSS or WIN by a points score not exceeding the Bone Rocks final week score by 22 points.
- Seventy Nine LOSS by a points score not exceeding the Bone Rocks final week score by 50 points.
- French Leader LOSS or WIN by a points score not exceeding the Bone Rocks final week score by 44 points
- Hairy Frog Disco LOSS or WIN by a points score not exceeding the Bone Rocks final week score by 82 points.
Ttttaylor
- Royale with TD’s LOSS
- The Bone Rocks LOSS with a point score of 22 less than Ttttaylors final week score.
- Super Swedes LOSS or WIN by a point score not exceeding the Ttttaylor final week score by 75.
- Seventy Nine LOSS with a point score of 30 points less than Tttaylor, combined with a Hairy Frog Disco LOSS or WIN with a point score of 32 more than Seventy Nine FC.
If 79FC WIN they win Division 3 and Hairy Frog Disco would need to WIN and beat Tttaylor's score by
by 62 points to finish above Ttttaylor.
It’s A Lottery
Eliminated, currently in possession of the #3 pick in next years draft.
Division 3
Seventy Nine FC
79FC will win Division 3 with a WIN
79FC will win Division 3 with a LOSS and the following sequence of results
- French Leader LOSS or WIN with a point score of 7 less than Seventy Nine’s final week score.
- Hairy Frog Disco LOSS or WIN with a point score not exceeding the Seventy Nine final week score by 33 points.
79FC will clinch the Wild Card will a LOSS and the following sequence of results...
- Royale with TD’s LOSS with a point score not exceeding the Seventy Nine final week score by 56 points.
- Bone Rocks LOSS with a point score of 50 less than Seventy Nine’s final week score.
- Super Swedes LOSS or WIN with a point score not exceeding the Seventy Nine final week score by 46 points.
- Ttttaylor LOSS or WIN with a point score of 30 less than Seventy Nine’s final week score.
- French Leader LOSS or WIN with a point score of 7 less than Seventy Nine’s final week score.
- Hairy Frog Disco LOSS or WIN with a point score not exceeding the Seventy Nine final week score by 33 points.
French Leader will win Division 3 with a WIN and the following sequence of results
- Seventy Nine FC LOSS with a point score not exceeding the French Leader final week score by 6 points.
- Hairy Frog Disco LOSS or WIN with a point score not exceeding the French Leader final week score by 39 points.
French Leader will clinch the Wild Card Place with a WIN and the following sequence of results.
- Royale with TD’s LOSS with a point score not exceeding the French Leader final week score by 62 points.
- Bone Rocks LOSS with a point score of 44 less than French Leader final week score.
- Seventy Nine FC LOSS with a point score not exceeding the French Leader final week score by 6 points.
- Super Swedes LOSS or WIN with a point score not exceeding the French Leader final week score by 52 points.
- Ttttaylor LOSS
- Hairy Frog Disco LOSS or WIN with a point score not exceeding the French Leader final week score by 39 points.
French Leader will be eliminated with a LOSS.
The Hairy Frog Disco.
The Hairy Frog Disco will win Division 3 with a WIN and the following sequence of results...
- Seventy Nine FC LOSS with a point score of 33 less than the Hairy Frog final week score.
- French Leader LOSS or WIN with a point score of 39 less than the Hairy Frog final score.
The Hairy Frog Disco will clinch the Wild Card Place with a WIN and the following sequence of results...
- A Royale with TD’s LOSS with a point score not exceeding the Hairy Frog final week score by 24 points.
- Bone Rocks LOSS with a point score of 82 less than Hairy Frogs final week score.
- Seventy Nine FC LOSS with a point score of 33 less than the Hairy Frogs final week score.
- Super Swedes LOSS
- Ttttaylor LOSS or WIN with a point score of 62 less than the Hairy Frog Disco final week score.
- French Leader LOSS or WIN with a point score of 39 less than the Hairy Frog final week score.
The Hairy Frog Disco will be eliminated with a LOSS.
Fear Factory
Eliminated, currently in possession of the #1 pick in next years draft.
‘Holy mackerel and Crikey Moses’ says I (the Ed). Leaning back against my leather clad swivel Editors chair, ‘with that sort of info you could take the bookies to the Cleaners’
Picking up my calculator, I (the Ed), calculated the odds of predicting that exact scenario on the 3rd October 2010 would be 62,758,421,559,270,000,000 to 1!
A look of astonishment crossed my face. ‘King’ hollered I (the Ed) we must get to the Peoples republic of Merseyside toute de suite. A terrible injustice has been done.
Tatania and the Shadow exited the Maserati at the entrance to the Savoy, headed for the American Bar, ‘Don’t worry father’, Tatania ushered the Shadow from the vehicle, ‘I will pick up the tip’.
She reached into her crocodile clad purse and handed the driver a crisp £100 note.
‘Why thank you Miss Ladbrokes, thank you’, replied Henry the chauffeur.
Good luck for week 14 gentlemen. For some it is the end of the road, for others, the start of a new adventure....
Ed.
Ok, so this is how it ends. Spanked by Brady, Turner and the Steelers D.
ReplyDeleteI lost in the beginning, won in the middle and lost in the end.
But if was great fun, and I hope to see you all again next year. Good luck in the playoffs!