Week 3 Review - Heartbroken

Game Of The Week, Team Of The Week and Rookie Watch!

Why?  Why? Why?

The Super Swedes refused to hold a press conference this week preferring to busy themselves with trades and free agency grabs.  Sitting bottom of the league's weakest division and taking on the undefeated Rook the Swedes Bengals D set the early pace, at one stage breaking the 30pts mark before ending the day on a healthy 20pts.  Romo spent the afternoon firing TD bombs to the Rook's very own WR Williams who caught everyone one of them whilst warming the Riggins bench.  RB Charles contributed 15.40pts, WR White chipped in with 12.90pts.  This one had the look of an upset special.  'I love this game!' cried the Swedes Head Coach.
Over in New Orleans TE Gonzalez, tipped by Carl and Bob in the week 3 preview for a big game, (“look for Gonzo to come to the party in the Big Easy this week as the Falcons have to chase the game late on,”) caught his first reception.  And then he caught another one.  And another.  And then one for a TD before ending the game with 20pts.  Spooky.  The Rook's Chargers D put up 15pts and RB Jones just missed out on the 100yrd bonus but still managed 15.60pts.  By the end of the Sunday night games the Bench Warmers trailed by 15.56pts with only QB Culter remaining.  That'll be the same Culter who posted 28.08pts in week 1 and followed that up with 29.38pts in week 2.  'I'm not sure I love this game anymore.' whispered the Swedes anxious Head Coach.
Ye of little faith Coach.  The Packers D rips into Cutler like Royal with TD's ripping into their  favourite cheeseburgers.  Down goes the Bears QB, once, twice, three times a lady.  Dazed and confused Cutler tosses up an interception!  It's the Cutler 09 version.  At this rate he's gonna be lucky to hit double digits.  On the other side of the ball Rogers is eating up the clock with 7 and 8 minutes drives, a master of his art, the  Davinci of quarterbacks.  Who cares if the field is being showered by cheese coloured flags, this one is going the way of the Swedes.  At the end of the half, Super at last, the Swedes hold a comfortable 20pts lead.
The Bears would have to work on some major adjustments to save this one.
Oh no.  They did.
Cutler is moving the ball.  It's dinky dunky football.  A few yards here and few yards there.  Then Cutler hits Johnny Knox for a 35-yard completion.  The Swedes lead is down to 4.20pts with a quarter of football still remaining.  If you listened carefully enough, beneath the roar of an expectant Soldier Field you could hear the sound of Swedish hearts breaking.  On the Bears last drive of the game Cutler, with just 2.20 on the clock passes deep middle to  TE Olsen for a 21yrd gain.  For the first time over the course of the whole weekend the Rook takes the lead.  There is nothing the Swedes can do but pray.  Pray for a Cutler interception.  Pray hard for a Cutler interception.
1.21 left on the clock.  Cutler passes deep right...INTERCEPTION!  The Swedes lead!  The Super Duper Swedes Lead!  No.  Wait.  What's this?  A cheese coloured flag lies at the spot of the interception and the call is...the call is...pass interference!  The Bears retain possession.  Why would the game you love do this to you?  Why?  Why? Why?  The Bears run the ball for next three plays and kick the winning field goal.  The Swedes lose the match up by 0.98.  Another Carlton NFL Euro II heart is broken.  When asked to comment the Swede would only reply, 'I hate this game.'
The Super Swedes 0-3.  The Rook 3-0.  Go figure.

"Offense sells tickets, defense wins championships" - Coach Paul 'Bear' Bryant 

Bear Bryant - Turns out he was wrong.

Those of you with a working knowledge of NFL history will know that the Dolphins perfect season beat up on many a team with there 'no-name defence.'  Ttttaylor went one better than this with his 'no defence.'  Now I come from the old school of 'don't give it if you can take it,' I'm all for running up the score on a bedraggled opponent but to take the field without a D takes a big old pair of brass cercopithecoids.  But that's exactly what Ttttaylor did against the winless Lottery in this week 3 match up.  After the Sunday night games Ttttaylor had contributions from QB Flacco 28.08pts, RB Benson 21pts, RB Johnson 27.50 and WR Jackson 25.10.  Despite this the Lottery only trailed by 30.08 with one roll of their fantasy dice left and in the very definition of irony that dice roll was the Packers D.  It would take an almighty performance in a match up against the Bears that many predicted would be a shoot out.  But the Steelers D had scored 35pts in week 2, the precedent had been set.  It was now up to the Packers to take Ttttaylor's arrogance and dismantle it fumble by fumble, interception by interception, defensive touchdown by defensive touchdown. 
The Packers D rips into Cutler like Royal with TD's ripping into their  favourite cheeseburgers.  Down goes the Bears QB, once, twice, three times a lady.  Wait a minute.  You know this already.  Interception.  Pass interference.  The Packers lose.  The Lottery lose.  No.  They don't just lose.  They go down to the most humiliating defeat in Carlton NFL Euro history.  The Lottery, so named because their odds of winning a game are 40,000,000 to 1.

 

Unlucky.

Manning fakes the hand off before hurling another TD pass.

So it turns out that the Disco are who we thought they where as they reached for their Lucky Strike cigarettes and found the pack empty.  It didn't start well for the Disco Head Coach as he had to walk under a ladder to avoid a black cat crossing his path on the way to the ground.  Before kick off WR Ochocinco walked into the teams meeting room with his umbrella still aloft.  WR Nicks shattered the changing room mirror in a fit of anger at the half and WR Thomas was just bad.  
79FC don't need reminding that except for those pesky 0.64pts they would now be 3-0 and chasing the dream of a perfect season.  As it is they're 2-1 and tied atop division 3.  Despite being labeled a one trick pony by the entire league (Manning, a zillion yards, 33.90pts)   79FC have a assembled a squad that puts up solid points behind their star QB.  Both Coaches left plenty of points on the bench but the 79FC even won this match-up 44.52pts to 44.30pts.  Head Coach M's team broke the 100pts mark for the third time this season and will repeat the feat Manning more times before the season is done.  

This Week Yoda From Wales Beats...

The Bone Rocks.  Crushed.

In our new regular feature “This Week Yoda From Wales beats...”  it was the turn of The Rocks to be spanked, ridiculed and generally crushed.  RB Peterson 34.00pts, WR Collie 32.10pts, WR Marshall 25.90pts and TE Gates 19.90pts.  Yoda's total of 153.34 is a league high.  It's a total that only one team has a realistic chance of beating and that team is Yoda from Wales.  However, before you all pack up your pads and admit defeat for the season bear in mind that next week the byes begin, next week Peterson will not be running all day.  Yes Yoda looks unbeatable, unstoppable and any other word you want to put 'un' in front of but this reporter calls on the rest of the league not to give up hope, for hope is the dream of a soul awake.
The Bone Rocks need not be ashamed of losing to Yoda but the footballing Gods will be pointing a big old finger straight at Head Coach Lars who appeared to out think himself with some down right bizarre team selections.  Still, when one of those footballing Gods is our very own Yoda From Wales what can ya do?

Viva La Revolution

French Leader storms the Factory.

French Leader moved to 2-1 with a comfortable win over league whipping boys the Fear Factory.  The Factory shuffled their pack in attempt to break a 0-2 start but they end the game with 0-3 record and the worst ranking in the league.  Yes it was an improved performance but that's a bit like saying being 50 thousand pounds in debt in better than being 55 pounds in debt.  Whatever way you look at it your still in a whole heap of trouble.  Could the Factory  be the first team to post winless season in Carlton NFL Euro history?
French Leader continue their solid early season form.  After failing to feast upon the Hairy Frogs in Week 2 the Factory proved far more appetizing dish.  RB McFadden looks a real find and will post points all season long despite being part of a yet another poor Raiders outfit.  WR Maclin benefited from Vick's promotion to starting QB.  In fact pretty much everyone has benefited from Vick's presence in Philadelphia.  Everyone except Philadelphia's dog owners.

The Big Yawn.

A lack of atmosphere at Baptist v Royale

The Royale with TD's extend their winning streak to 2 with this drab win against the Baptists.  Both teams failed to break the 100pts mark.  The Eagles D was the highlight for the Baptists with 25pts and QB Rivers the highlight for the Royales with 33.40pts.  Nothing else of note to report.  Royale will be pleased with the win, question marks are starting to gather around the Baptists.

Highest Scoring Bench Of The Week

 

   
So you're playing the best team in the league and yet you leave 63.92pts on the bench!  The Bone Rocks...coulda, woulda, shoulda.

Good Call Of The Week

WR McCluster.  Who?  This little known Scotsman was drafted in by 79FC and by the time the Disco coaching staff had stopped laughing Maccy C had posted 12.80pts in a game won by 11.02pts.  No McCluster, no W.

Bad Call Of The Week

Disco Head Coach C was heard complaining of problems with his tight end.  Celek started and posted 4.20pts.  Keller sat on the bench and kept a match winning 21.80pts all to himself.  It's gotta hurt.

Latest odds from Vasco De Gama CNFLE II official bookmaker.

Yoda from Wales                     2/10

Tim Riggins Bench Warmers     3/1

Ttttaylor                                   4/1                                                         

The Hairy Frog Disco               7/1

French Leader                          7/1

Seventy Nine FC                      7/1

Royal with TD’s                        8/1

The Bone Rocks                       8/1                                                      

Bryants Baptists                        7/1

Super Swedes                         12/1

Fear Factory                           20/1

Its A Lottery                           40,000,000/1                                                      

And with that Week 3 is in the bag. Be sure to call by on Saturday when Carl and Bob will post their unique and insightful Week 4 bye week special.

Carl and Bob.  Clearly psychic.

Say a prayer for the winless.

David Marrs.